Well, another day has passed. I'm still where I was when it began. Well, no. I watched a movie, THE movie that I was warned against with such eloquent despair by a fellow blogger recently. The eloquence of the despair only made me enjoy myself more than I would've, considering that the movie by itself was average. What I learned in the process was quite considerable. Let me recapitulate for your benefit. If you think that leaving at six for a show scheduled to begin at six thirty is good enough, because the theatre is pretty nearby, and anyway, there can't be a rush because college exams are on elsewhere and its a Monday evening, for heavens' sake, then you are woefully wrong. You will just make it in time, be told that tickets are sold out, then buy tickets in black seeing that you've come all the way so you might as well watch the movie, and let yourself experience the pleasures of the rear stall for the first time in your life....actually, it wasn't half bad, lots of leg room. Then you will go on to learn that tea gets cold surprisingly quickly in winter (really?), bringing little tots to a movie that clearly isn't kiddie fare will only lead to disorientation and loss of direction for the tots and annoyance for other viewers who will get back at the parents by writing about them. Next time, sitter, please. You and your kids will both be happier. Also, if you're at a stage of life when the restrooms become of vital importance to you, then get seats near the exit, and as soon as the interval begins, run like your pants are on fire. If the boisterous couple behind you decides to celebrate its love by kicking your seat down, complain loudly and/or LOOK at them in a way that uses your glasses to full effect. Everyone had a scary teacher in school who used her visual aid to intimidate those in her charge.
Those were the lessons that life taught me. What I learned from the movie per se makes me want to give the people involved a few personal messages, so, here goes.
Hrithik Roshan:- Seriously, man, do not get into any more positive roles. This has been the only time in recent history that I haven't felt like punching you till you're blue, so maybe you're on to something here.
Abhishek Bachchan:- The secret to looking cool is to not appear as though you're trying too hard. Even the walk looked tired. Get some sleep, man.
Uday Chopra:- Cute isn't cute anymore when it becomes trite and overdone. To be the comical sidekick doesn't mean you take the word 'caricature' literally. Although, to be fair, anything's better than Neal, the rockstar.
Bipasha Basu:- Woman! How could you let them do this to you? Entice you into playing the ubercool cop in the first half, if slightly fawning over the AB, and then change you into a bikini-wearing dolt with no lines in the second half? I'm outraged, also because you deserve tremendous respect for being inflammable enough to take one of the worst outfits I've seen in recent history (that orange gown/dress/something) and to turn it into haute (hot?) couture by simply being yourself. Do not let yourself get suckered like this again.
Aishwarya Rai:- You talk silly. And you sound like you know it. You wield a great deal of power in filmland, I believe. Then, for God's sake, use it. Object when the writer gives you lines that make you say 'like' after every second word. It isn't cool, or cute, or funny. You're playing a thief. Don't sound like a twelve year old who's trying desperately to get 'with it'.
The director/writer/whoever's responsible:- Making a sequel involves some amount of responsibility to the audience. That responsibility is yours. So pray, explain. Why is a (drag?) queen of caucasian descent travelling across the Namibian desert in a train? WITH HER CROWN? If a thief and his accomplice have escaped in a melee of people, and there is a decent gap between them and the cops, then how do the cops know exactly where and when to position their helicopter so that the next chase scene can conveniently start? How does a man posing as a statue in a museum hall walk out of there amidst tight security while still looking like a statue? Why do the umpteen number of security men guarding a priceless diamond never look at the diamond itself? I really wouldn't have carped so much if you hadn't used the word 'perfect' to describe these escapades. Ok, I'm lying. I would've carped just as much.
Well, that's all about the movie. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, partly because the big screen gives me a high, regardless of what's playing on it, and partly because I finally got out of my room.
So I'm back in my room. Going to attack the cookies I bought after the movie. Nothing else is happening, or likely to happen very soon. But that's ok. I'm really enjoying the wait. And I will watch, and enjoy, some more bad movies in the meantime.
P.S. This post is dedicated to the one who did not enjoy the insanity, and tried to warn me, not knowing that crap is fodder for thought for me :P