Friday, January 29, 2010

Two a.m.

Long time. The drought has been particularly severe this time. But apparently being sick as a dog makes me want to blog again. Thank you, dust allergy.

You know how they say that if your wife asks you if she's looking fat, always say 'No'? It's always portrayed like a way to stop the wrath of the female from descending on you. But my problem is, don't the men understand why she needs to hear that 'No' from them? Look, she has a mirror. She is probably so critical of herself that it took her a tremendous amount of gumption to buy that slinky dress while the snooty salespeople made her feel frumpy. And if even a single microparticle of excess weight shows, she probably won't wear the dress outside the bedroom. People who love themselves enough to do so are pretty rare. Why does she need you to say 'No' then? Maybe it's because she wants to feel that you're the one person who can never find her fat. Maybe she wants to feel the way she did when you first started looking at her in that special 'you're the one I want to cook my meals and do my laundry forever' way. She's asking you to see her through the eyes of love. Just say 'No'. Just to give her a momentary happy thrill. She'll probably look at the mirror again and change to something else anyway. So step up and lie, not because you're scared of her, but because the woman you love could probably be spared the extra fretting should you happen to say 'Yes'. She may just love you more because she knows you'll always lie to her for her. She's probably not too thrilled about your midlife crisis inspired Backstreet's Back T-shirt, but she's not telling, is she?

Do not say, "I wouldn't really say 'fat', honey. Maybe a little umm... er... snug?'

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On other topics, has anyone ever seen a Charagh Din ad that did not suck? I think that is advertising's last undiscovered world.

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After watching 'Three Idiots' I wondered why Chetan Bhagat even wants the credit. I mean, a baby coming to life because Aamir Khan's tagline is actually the secret Freemason hymn that invokes life itself? Really?

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As an Indian, I am outraged at 'Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara'. Isn't it ironic that on Republic Day, we get to see the most shameless self congratulatory eulogy to dynasty? Dis-gus-ting, and sixteen minutes long, to boot.

If they ever try 'modernizing' 'Ek Chidiya, Anek Chidiya', I'm going to get violent.