Sunday, February 04, 2007

Fear

I've finally gathered the courage. Now I will sit down and write up my CV. I need a job and its accoutrements, like money, and I need these things rather quickly. University will not shield me much longer, and the time will come to pay back my dues. Real fear. It is a sour feeling, like an unripe orange. Writing this stupid thing is one of the most profoundly depressing things I've done lately. I really have nothing to say, and that is sad. What do I write? Oh, hello, its me. I've only studied all my life, sometimes not too well. I cannot do anything, but will you please pay me pots of money anyway? Why do I want pots of money? Actually, that is rather personal. I'd rather not discuss it.

Let's look at an alternative scenario.
Interviewer (intimidating, handlebar moustache, bald) : - "SO!!! You want me to employ you, eh? What's your name?"
Me: - "My name? Erm.....ehehehe... Its on the tip of my tongue, really...begins with a Q, oh no, a W....something......".
Interviewer: - "You really need me to tell you if you've got the job or not? Lady, you don't remember your name!!! Do you remember the way you came in? That same route will lead you back outside. I'm telling you this so that you don't have to tax your little mind. Leave!"
Me: - "That's it! S! My name starts with S!"

Etc.

Oh lord, I don't have it in me to be an unemployed struggler. I'll cry myself blind in a week. Why, oh why, was I so bad at maths? Why did I get seduced by the liberal arts? Why didn't I study how to manage people without letting them know they were being managed, from some outrageously expensive college?

I have nightmares in colour these days....nightmares about being THE STUPID ONE WHO CANNOT MAKE COFFEE, or THE ONE WHOSE BRAIN IS ALWAYS ON VACATION, or THE ONE WHO'S POTTY, IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. Oh my goodness, what if they make me wear T-shirts with these slogans on them?

I know what I'll do. I'm spitting in their coffees. Pthooey!

28 comments:

akhila said...

idiot!!!
:D

heh? ok said...

@ akhila
that's me! :P

another brick in the wall said...

phew! sangy.. really! u r such a dumbfuck! wow! guess thn u shud jst go kill urslef! :S

arghhhhhh.. abey.. wat kinda notions u keep on building man... tereko usdin hi bola na.. if u dont try u'll never kno.. mera usdin ka bhaashan sab waste kya :(.. tu call kar tereko daat ta hai :P

kuch nahi.. sidha CV bana aur submit kar de.. baad ka baad mein sochna.. till u r clear in ur head bout wat u kno n wat u dont.. n u show the eagerness 2 learn new thngs.. u can safely clear any goddamned interview.. trust me its poss! i kno how it feels.. but after tht 1st interview u jst sorda feel... wat the hell.. i've ntn 2 lose.. n u win thru.. umm.. thts my way of dealin wid it n it works 4 me.. soch le!

ninkita said...

damn thing ate up my comment!!!

ok, i wont give up!!

haan, so.. i was saying that you would not be so much intimidated as speechless for fear of laughing so hard your tummy hurts. you know why? cause you dont want to work in a place where they lose their hair that a way!!! :P
also, you'll do ok cause apart from the whole supporting yourself thing, there is also the support me thing, now that the bro may or maynot decide to spend all his substance on teh wifey!!
:(

heh? ok said...

@ brick
you see, the problem with both you and me is that no matter how many well-intentioned kectures we get, we just keep thinking whatever it is that we want to.

@nin
i guess you're right.... and if you're depending on me to support you, we're lost, sweetheart.

Ranjit said...

ur being silly, sangeeeee... thats all i have to say...

heh? ok said...

@ ranjit, and all the others too
i have to let the silly in me out somehow, its driving me insane!!!!

Anonymous said...

Poor girl ... life's beating on the little one.
Well, enjoy the good days while it lasts ...

Idiot.

heh? ok said...

@ idiot
you're all heart, aren't you?

Anonymous said...

With you, dearie, one can be little else. ;o)

Idiot

n.g. said...

whatever you do, just follow what your heart says. let the right brain dominate. it may seem like the stupidest advice right about now, but years later it wont.

SIM!!!!!!!!!! said...

ladki sun!!!!main ek living example hoon!!!! remember i had to go thru two interviews before i got the consultancy with akf and the second one happened cause the guy who interviewed me first was not convinced that i am competent enough and then it was with great difficulty that the second interview was arranged!!!! and even then i was given test assignments to prove my worth!!!!
and then remember wat happened with my very own s a!!!!!!!
and wat u are feeling i still think inspite having had two jobs!!!!!!
so relax casue u are not the only one in the world who is going through all this!!!!!!!ok.....phew am so tired...but wait theres more casue u know wat lady you are way better than me and if people can employ me then wat the heack...they will beg you to join them!!!!!

heh? ok said...

@ n.g.
my brain's doing a furious dance around a hypothetical bonfire right now and it refuses to slow down inspite of the fact that its a terrible dancer. so the moment i get it to slow down, things will be ok.

@ sim
i'll believe you tomorrow, promise. and what is this better than you crap?

@ idiot
'dearie'? ew

another brick in the wall said...

yea thts true sangy baby.. we are jst so pathetically stubborn bout our preconceived notions :P.. but sometimes we shud jst let thngs change us 4 good u kno.. wat the fuck! we'll get thru! we're good enuff :).. good luck! ;)

raghu said...

sppry 4 bein late..board pracs on.. haan.. wat do u mean by.. i hav studied.. all my life.. "n sometimes not 2 well"
only sometimes.. man u must b a scholar.. bad.. ur NOT allowed 2 b scared like dis.. shheee scaryyy pooo!

heh? ok said...

@ suk
okay, we will, we shall overcome etc.
@ raghu
i'm allowed to fear, and i'm doing that a lot.

reeju said...

since EVERYONE has posted a comment, why shd i be left out huh huh?.. it has been established already that u r an idiot.. also that ur fears are irrational but not uncommon so like i've said before..Let yourself feel.. it'll all be okay!..I know and the reason more than anything is that i know you. jeez what's with me..why the fuck am i so senti in all the comments these days..anyway waiting for next Pak Conv

heh? ok said...

@ reeju
oh alright, fine fine...now that my idiocy has been established, i'll get back to pakistan etc.. hehe..love you.

Anonymous said...

Come on to Bangalore, lots of jobs ... getting out of the campus comfort can be difficult though. There is job for everyone here. Promised land.

Idiot.

IRIS said...

Your outburst isnt something out of the ordinary....it happens to all of us!
Come on gurl cheer up:-) Or else,
send me your CV:-)

heh? ok said...

@ idiot
delhi isn't lacking in jobs exactly. its lacking in THE JOB. and i can't go gallivanting around the country looking.
@ iris
thank you, but my cv is an embarrassment. if you need a few laughs, let me know, i'll mail it to you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Campus Dreamer,
There is no such thing as "THE JOB". And that's one nasty way to turn down Bangalore. Gallivating, it seems pfff!! ;o)

heh? ok said...

dear idiot,
no offense intended towards bangalore, but wandering around the country looking for a job equals gallivanting. and there is something known as THE JOB, and i'll find it.

sunaina said...

OYE CHUP KAR.BEWAKOOF TUJHE JOB NAHI MILEGA TO HUM JAISO KE NASEEB MEIN TO MCDONALDS KA KAAM BHI NAHI HAIN!AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH.KHUD TO DARR TI HAI DUSRO KO BHI NHI CHODTI

heh? ok said...

@ sunaina
first, calm down and stop the banshee-giri. its ok, we'll all get jobs, the world is full of work to be done. i cannot believe i'm having to give you consolation, you poor child.

raghu said...

ya re..fear is jus another outlet

use it.

Atul said...

Hey Sangy

Well if talented girls like you won't get a job how will companies work...wait and see its just one right break that you need and then the world will be at your feet.
Believe me i have seen biggest duds get awesome jobs...well me being the best example. So you don’t worry i think you are in a much better position.

raghu said...

abbe gadhon... isko 28 comments kaise mile?