Monday, October 01, 2007

A Thought

I want to be a little cryptic today. It's Monday morning, I've just spent an hour travelling in the hot sun and I'm not feeling too willing to be understood. Therefore, cryptic.

Sometimes people become cynical, bitter and full of regrets. They say things like "I wish I'd never laid eyes on you". I'm also feeling more bitter today than usual. But I will never regret the fact that I knew you. Maybe there are moments when I am your deepest regret, but then that is your cross to bear.

I don't know why I scared you so much. I know that you find some sort of romantic glamour associated with being misunderstood. Maybe the fact that most of what I said to you seemed to reflect your most secret thoughts is the reason that these days you won't let me say anything. Being understood easily may have dscomfited you, but I am not going to apologize for not being stupid enough to make you comfortable and secure.

It made me a little uneasy too, when you knew from the tone of my voice that I was pretending to be alright, but I never really considered running away from you. So you fled, and now you stand atop your faraway mountain and smile down at me, confident in the knowledge that now you won't see yourself in me anymore. You always were stupid.

I miss your spirit, your being, which melded so easily with mine. I miss your songs, your very strange laughter. I miss so much, and mostly I miss you when you're around. I wince when I see you doing your pantomime of wellness for my benefit; I'm embarrassed for your lack of acting skills.

My only regret is that I've become so petty that I don't really want you to recover. You've scratched my soul to a fair extent; I hope yours is damaged too. And I hope it hurts.

12 comments:

devang raiyani said...

obscure and spiteful..if only we could see a volley...the other side through a your lenses. looks like a promising week ahead.

probe said...

brilliant but ouch!

heh? ok said...

@ devang
many thanks. the beauty of this medium is that you get to imagine the volley.

@ probe
i was so sick of being nice. this was my holiday into a bit of darkness.

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

darkness becomes some people, and doesn't work for others. but the way i see it, it's always the people with shades of grey who make it so much easier to bear the saints.

heh? ok said...

@ doubletake, doublethink
true. grey is so misunderstood most of the time.

akhila said...

wow!!!

heh? ok said...

@ akhila
heehee. and you're back :)

new age scheherazade said...

wow. you are versatile as hell.
estrangement becomes so embarrassing after a while-even more than painful, and that came across perfectly.
but I like your usual insightful, funny, fluffiness better. lowbrow? you bet.

heh? ok said...

@ new age scheherazade
sometimes life just grates all the fluff off me. And then I have a nice weekend, and it's back! :)

raghu said...

ding dong! :S
so long ya..nicely keep bloggin n donyt ever read my blog.. oh randometh person!
anyway hotha hai.. people come people go..they always come to go only..which a weird thing to say cos then we dont ned ppl at all.. which is true in a way..but aah its hard..im too lazy to just lkike myself.. :S
id get bored anyway..but the point is that ppl come n go.. infact the come just to go sometimes :S
i guess

raghu said...

ding dong! :S
so long ya..nicely keep bloggin n donyt ever read my blog.. oh randometh person!
anyway hotha hai.. people come people go..they always come to go only..which a weird thing to say cos then we dont ned ppl at all.. which is true in a way..but aah its hard..im too lazy to just lkike myself.. :S
id get bored anyway..but the point is that ppl come n go.. infact the come just to go sometimes :S
i guess

heh? ok said...

@ raghu
good to see you. and as usual you take the cake for random comments.