Monday, September 17, 2007

Ten Sureshot Ways To.....

....Irritate the HECK out of me.

1. Call me a 'nice kid'. If you are not Big Papa/ Mama, then don't act like it.

2. Condescend, or talk down to me. I may not be the wisest person in the world, but if you think you are, you're clearly not wiser than I am.

3. Make me watch inane soaps on TV when That 70s Show is airing on the other channel and I'm dying to watch Steven Hyde. If the soap is the kind that believes in drilling things into your brain by showing every scene thrice, so much the better.

4. When asinine jokes are being cracked on TV, you not only laugh loudly, but then proceed to explain the jokes to me. Yeah, I got the joke. And no, it's not funnier when you say it. I will not laugh.

5. Sit on my bed and pass wind audibly, and then look at me brazenly as if daring me to respond.

6. Use the kitchen before me and make a holy mess. Oil on the walls, utensils dirtied, potato peels everywhere.

7. Use the bathroom when its my turn to bathe and I'm in a hurry. Sing crappy songs loudly to add to the effect.

8. When I'm watching something on the laptop or reading, keep peering in pointedly. Ask useless questions as well.

9. If you're one of the people that I like, neglect to call me for more than ten days. I'm reasonable; I give people ten days before blacklisting them. Or better still, hang up on me a couple of times.

10. When you find out that you've been blacklisted, wail plaintively,"But I was waiting for You to call me". Yeah, bub, enjoy the wait.

Are you wondering why I'm ranting? Because apart from work people, nobody, and I mean NOBODY has called me in the last three days. All of us know, deep in our shrivelled little hearts, that we are dispensable. We know that if some celestial eraser were to rub us right out of the picture, life would prance along merrily. Our biggest insecurities arise from this knowledge, and our quest for love, companionship and understanding is aimed at being indispensable for atleast one other person in this world. On my part, I would like to be thought of on a Sunday. Sometimes.

So as I have been so forcefully reminded of my dispensability, I'm miffed at You. And You too. And do not call me now, thinking,"Oh, poor thing". The eleventh thing that irritates me the most is pity. Stuff it.


ninkita said...

can't pity you, too busy pitying myself! and i think you forgot a few other thigns to be miffed at..

new age scheherazade said...

haha...okay i won't dare. not that i could, since i don't have your number, but:
"When asinine jokes are being cracked on TV, you not only laugh loudly, but then proceed to explain the jokes to me. Yeah, I got the joke. And no, it's not funnier when you say it. I will not laugh."
SO kindred you are.loved that.

heh? ok said...

@ nin

@ new age scheherazade
you may dare, if you like. this tirade was directed at people who do have my number. and next time the joke is being explained to you, look away disdainfully.

Anonymous said...

sunaina said...
eeesssh!calm down daffy!sometimes its a good thing when people dont call you. atleast its better than when they do (while watching the simpsons) and have nothing to say. its goes something like this

"how are your studies going on?"
aft 2 or 3 stupid questions
"what about your studies?"

probe said...

But i was thinking of you this Sunday, maybe not loud enough :)
Interesting post and i loved the bit between the ranting and the disclaimer.

heh? ok said...

@ sunaina
let's not compare our sufferings. it's bad enough that we have to suffer them in the first place.

@ probe
awww, you were? hehe. ten percent less miffed now :)

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

i HATE dirty kitchens. and bathrooms. especially bathrooms. darn, you're nice.

heh? ok said...

@ doubletake, doublethink
is the 'darn' one of surprise or disappointment?

speedpost said...

'Sing crappy songs loudly to add to the effect'.
And for some strange reason that has to be "Samaa Hai Suhaana, nashe mein jahaan hai". Its like the Star Spangled Banner for Bad bathroom singers.

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

it's a synonym for "wow" maybe. or for "eureka!". depends on how non-confused i was. i darn a lot.

heh? ok said...

@ speedpost
i take it that you're a fellow suferrer in the eternal bad roomie saga.

@ doubletake, doublethink
hehe. 'twas a rhetorical question. i'm a 'darn' person too :)