My internet cable stopped working last week. Yes, I know, bigger calamities have befallen the world. And I survived pretty well, I think. But the process of getting it fixed was so protracted and painful that it brought out my claws. I tried calling the local service provider. He told me he's show up the next day. I completed the whole rigmarole of getting the warden's permission, and the donkey did not show up for the next three days. Then I decided it was time for a little violence. I called him up again.
Me: - I'm calling from so-and -so hostel. I've been waiting to get this thing fixed for three days now. Do you intend to show up?
'Service Provider': - Oh of course. It'll be done today.
Me: - That's what you told me three days ago. How do you measure days and nights?
'SP': - Actually you see, this is not my job. I deal with collection. Please call Fool #2 at this number.
Me:- Fool #2 has switched off his phone.
'SP': - It isn't my problem
My thought bubble: - Oh, sweet, you have had it now.
Me: - Alright, I'll have to deal with it. I'll find someone who listens.
'SP': - Ehehe....I'll send someone over.
Me: - Sure you will.
I hang up. Which indicates that my temper has gone beyond the bend, because I NEVER hang up on ANYONE in the middle of a conversation.
Still, some part of scary me must have been effective because the guy did send a technician who told us that all the wires had been eaten up by squirrels. I used to find them cute and cuddly. Now I see a demonic glint in their rapacious eyes. The wires were replaced, but my connection resolutely refused to work, and I had by this time crossed all limits of exasperation. So I called the customer service guys at the main service provider.
Me: - Seven whole days it has been. Let me tell you one thing. If you cannot provide service, please shut shop. Just because you have a monopoly on campus doesn't mean that you can do whatever you please. Nautanki samajhke rakha hai? We have better things to do than to wait around all day for your engineers to show up. Please do one of either: do not give cause for complaints, or have the grace to respond quickly when they occur. And please inform the local guys that they aren't doing us a favour.
[Note to reader: - I always conduct these conversations in my sweetest, most reasonable voice. It makes retaliation tricky. Therefore, if I'm too polite to you, you'll know that I'm really mad at you].
I probably ruined that techie's day.
Anyway, it worked. The two engineers who showed up discovered that the previous blockhead had joined blue wires to orange instead of joining wires of the same colour. He also discovered that our local man has been giving two connections in the space allotted for one. So my connection got fixed, and the company was informed about the creative permutations and combinations that 'SP' has been using on the sly to make a quick couple of hundred bucks.
Hah....Don't mess with me.
Among other things,
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all...
The morning rain clouds up my window,
And I can't see at all,
Even if I could it'd all be grey
But the picture on my wall,
It reminds me that its not so bad, its not so ba-a-ad.
And A-a-aiiiii want to thank you,
For giving me the best day-hey of my laa-i-aaife
And o-o-oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day-hey of my life....
Dido. Dang it, you're a woman.
Actually, it doesn't matter. Marry me anyway.